I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
