dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
