My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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