his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
