He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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