I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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