weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
