We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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