I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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