I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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