Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
