i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
