this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
