I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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