where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
