I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
