shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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