I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize