don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
