my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
