im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize