it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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