Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
