Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
