I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
