I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
