im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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