She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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