we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize