Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
