how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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