Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
