Will you blow on my dice?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
