I skipped work to stalk him.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
