He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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