apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize