my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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