I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
