I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
