and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
youre lurking in front of me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I enjoy the company of your penis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
