Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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