Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
