His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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