don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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