I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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