She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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