last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
