should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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