Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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