It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
