At least make sure they are 18
Why
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
