OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
