i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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