don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
