Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
