Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
