oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize