One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I could fuck to npr.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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