Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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