the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize