So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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