yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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