I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
