She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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