Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
