Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
