Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize