He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
